Poetic Revelations: A Whale Tale

an Inner Child embrace

All we have to do-o-o, is take these lies and make them true.

~ George Michael, Freedom 90!

Because Human-ing is harder than Adulting. This is a weekly publication for heart-centered warriors, swimming through this thing called Life.

Selected Readings and Songs:

• The Print the Whales Make, Marjorie Saisre

• Thresholds, John Donahue

• Is this Love, Bob Marley (song)

Dear Embodied Hearts and Dancing Souls,

I am writing on the other side of a threshold — one that ended with Loss and Change. You can read more about it in this post. While I don’t know what’s next, I continue writing my book, “Move For Your Own Joy: The Promise in Your Physicality.” Right now, Chapter 3 has me in its grips. The actual Whale Tale is on the next page. This story is for all of you Body Sensitives—the fiercely independent warriors, almost stubbornly so. I embrace all your edges!

Whale Tale. Last week I shared this excerpt called “Call and Response.” Reading sentences I wrote five years ago, I'm gaining insights that I can only appreciate from the perspective of hindsight. These stories relate to some core emotional wounds which occurred when I was about six years old. To my surprise, the stories I wrote 5 years ago have information for me in the present. The communication is coming through using, of all things, the energies of whales.

This image and wisdom is delicious. A creature who lives in the deep, amongst my submerged tender emotions, bringing them to the surface for my attention. I am called to write the semi-fictional whale-tale on the next page. 🐳 These are some Tender feelings! The real message of the whales?

Stay authentically true. Amidst the vulnerability, stay authentically true.

Gain the capacity to remain truthful to your experience as it is. Using sounds and toning is a way to I can do this with self-love. Its a weird magic, but ultimately this makes more room for my whole true self. 🐣 Coming all the way home to ourselves is just like the George Michael quote—we take the lies of fear and self-judgement and make them true.

Nothing is Rushed. Aware that I’ve completed one way of life and entering an unknown other, I google the term “crossing a threshold.” I feel met by these teachings of John Donahue. The first thing that strikes me is his observation that Nature “insists on taking its time. "

Everything is prepared. Nothing is rushed. … Change remains faithful to itself until the new unfolds in the full confidence of true arrival. ~John Donahue

I especially relish the “f” sounds rolling in that last sentence: “unfolds in full confidence of true arrival.” Waiting is not mere waiting. Waiting is ripening. 🌱

The second thing I notice is his observation that we are taken “unawares.”

Because nothing is abrupt, the beginning of spring nearly always catches us unawares. ~John Donahue

I was aware of changes occurring in the edges of my environment. Yet, they happened so gradually I didn’t suspect their ultimate arrival. And yet, here I am.

Following the Blessings. Its been a Rough two weeks. Even me who has my own way of streaming and processing information, it was a Alot. Grateful for the people in my life who asked and made space. All I can do is breathe deep into my Heart, listen, notice the Blessings, Dance with what comes in, and follow the Light.

To the Blessing and Light that You Are. With so much Love for you and your unfolding.

Stay #heartwoke.

Monisha

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My Whale Tale

Writing this chapter a great whale comes up to talk to me. Side by side, under the protection of her fin, she brings little whale. The child is crying. Recognizing her tears, I see it is my inner 6 year old. Her tears of anguish from being dislocated, again, from the home she had become part of. She hangs onto the neck of this Mother Whale, who is gently bringing her up to the surface for my attention.

“I have been attending to her but she needs you. You belong to each other.”

Whales don’t say much. Just the essence.

This takes a while to sink in. Me, this child, I remember her so well. Her needs for love and reassurance, her little skinny body, her short hair. Such fundamental upheaval. Yet no one in her “new” family in America understood. No one understood her real feelings under the surface. Under her slight snappishness and crankiness…that turned to anger when my mother became pregnant with my younger sister..lay Hurt.  That she could be flung about the world with what felt like casual negligence. Constantly disciplined for her outer behavior, she was left feeling largely  misunderstood coming out of childhood.  

My usual relationship to this six year old has evolved over the years. Of course at first I didn’t even know these feelings were from the past, and more specifically an inner child. These feelings SUCK—they hurt and feel painful. Then as I gained some awareness, I tried dialoguing with her but my early attempts were from a place of “what do I need to do to make these feelings go away?” But still, there was an awareness of this creature in me. Of course other ages in me too. But my six-year ruled the roost. And here she was, showing herself as an orphaned little whale.  Somewhere in my 40s I realized how much of outer motivations and behaviors were driven by her fundamental needs.

Its only been in the past several years, as I have gained physical assurance in my Body and nervous system that I have come to learn that this familiar, particular emotional signature is a cry for attention from this little one. Going direct, primarily through sound and vibration, I have taught myself to  truly dialogue with her. She only wants to be listened to, have a space for her full range of expression. Every time I give her this honest attention, she Eases right up. The acute distress, anguish, the one that puts me in flight or fight mode, is replaced by a sweet feeling of being honestly understood. And once met, her tears are replaced by a smile. She feels happy, embraced. She teaches me that her stubbornness over the years is in equal proportion to the loving attention she needed.

I say “she”. But she is me. My lived experience which needs this loving attention. So yes I say to the Whale. She is Mine. TY for giving this young one a safe place to call Home. I look her right in the eye. I love you I say. I know I haven’t been available for you until right now. I know I’ve felt uneasy about your needs and wants. I am sorry you had to continue feeling rejected. But I don’t feel uneasy anymore. I accept you as you are and want to love you. I get you, more than anyone. I am glad you are stubborn and ask for what you want. Will you come home with me?

She looks at me with light streaming from both of her little eyes. All she ever wanted was her one true mother. She feels this connection with me. She leans over and puts her little hands on my neck, ready to be held in my arms. And I do. I hold her close, pressing her into my arms, letting her know I will never let her go.