Poetic Revelations: I don't know

Play has a way of unfolding

It doesn't matter if we play our gift well or awkwardly, if we're skillful or clumsy, if we make great strides or fail.  For aliveness is not a judge in a talent show. 

Aliveness shows itself in response to wholeheartedness.  We only have to be sincere and wholehearted in order to be returned to wonder. ~ Mark Nepo

Because Human-ing is harder than Adulting. This is a weekly publication for heart-centered warriors, swimming through this thing called Life.

Selected Poems:

• Rain, Carole Duffy

• The Choice is Yours, Monisha Mittal (recording)

Dear Embodied Hearts and Dancing Souls,

Blessings be. An overcast day with spattered rains. I now know why there are dances and ragas devoted solely to coaxing the rain gods. My husband and I had a plenishing day, with a lake, raindrops and now listening to the hoot of an owl and the buzz of the crickets on a summer night. This week’s question is at the bottom of the letter.

Are you managing to stay in your strong heart-light? I hope so!

I Don’t Know. Lately I’ve come to agree that the truest definition of suffering is wanting a reality different than what is. July brought an onslaught of stillness into my life. I don’t react well to heat and stagnation. It pushed me to admit something I might have forgotten: I don’t know what I am doing. 🙂

The thing with endings and beginnings is that sometimes, there is a big fat I don’t know in the middle. I am typically not my best during deep trenches of the I don’t know period. Actually, I can be my worst. The stress of it makes me try to will my creativity to a destination. Unsurprisingly my creativity doesn’t respond. The lack of progress then drives a negative loop. I don’t always catch it right away.

Progress. By chance, I was working on a story for my book about a time where I am at my lowest. I wrote,

The thing I learned the most about emptying is that it allows the Universe to flow in.

Emptying meant crying my guts out until there was nothing left. But most of all it meant having no energy to direct my life. As I wrote, I saw how the Universe “flowed in” everything that followed—a creative non-profit initiative, people whom I could relate to more intimately, and learning I could enjoy my own company.

Its the story I make up during this period of I Don’t Know that gets to me.

Adsum. I discovered a Latin Word, Adsum. It means “I Am Present.” I was advised to place my hand on my heart and repeat it. Apparently, I can do this intentionally, both for where I am and where I want to arrive. I called in guardian angels at the same time. A few breaths in, and I feel it. A balm of energy near my heart that soothes the whirring anxiety.

I also discovered a quick jump in the pool leads to more sound slumber.  After a great night’s sleep, I awoke with anticipation. Somewhere in the morning routine, I remembered my original inspiration for wanting to work with the church where I will be leading InterPlay next month. They genuinely want to activate people’s “I AM” presence. My heart fills with light. (Here is one answer to my question last week.) Breathing this, I get my notebook and promise to let my creativity play.

Play has a way of unfolding. And that’s what I do. I fill post-it notes with possibilities. I follow one sequence, letting it unfurl all the way through. I feel satisfied, my Body and Mind joined again. See..my creative muse returned. Its like a game of peek a boo, between the sun and the clouds. I fill with joy, doubt disappears. One good choice leads to another until my husband and I are enjoying the vista of raindrops on a lake and sounds of a red-winged blackbird. 

Next thing I know…whee!… I come across an old poem I wrote. It pops up in my digital files as I search for something else. I can’t believe how much the words speak to my current situation. Its not just about paths unknown, the poem gives clues on how to make choices amidst the unknown. Elated, I record it and send it out to the world. 

Light, Joy. Joy, Light. I saw on Instagram that the other co-founder of InterPlay (Phil Porter) is speaking at a conference! An InterPlay conference, you might ask? NO! A polymer bead conference. Playing with colors, texture and shapes of polymer beads is His Joy! He is just so curious about the stuff he came up with some techniques. That brings me to this week’s question:

What is your Polymer beads? What is it that gives you Joy no matter what?

With so much Love for you, your journey and your unfolding.

Stay #heartwoke.

Monisha

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