Poetic Revelations: Re-belonging
Back in the High Life
This place is like the Ka’ba for lovers.
Any who come here broken and incomplete
leave whole. —Rumi
This is a weekly publication for heart-centered warriors, swimming through this thing called life. Because Human-ing is harder than Adulting.
Selected Poems:
Green-Striped Melons, Jane Hirshfield
Thank you Letter (Poem) to Spring, Rosemerry Trommer
Dear Embodied Hearts and Dancing Souls,
The song “Back in the High Life” is a good vibe for this post. This past weekend I went back to a Place where I wrestled with belonging, even though I walked away with many fond memories. As I witnessed (and celebrated) some full-circle moments, I got to explore our human relationship to Place, Not-belonging, and Re-belonging.
Not Belonging, a Vantage. When I was in college, I would sometimes wind my way to my ‘secret spot.’ A place where I could look out across a great expanse of people’s comings and goings on campus. The library stood to the left, College Hall to the right. In the expanse were fields of green grass pockmarked with trees, statues and sculptures. This was easily the heart of our campus. Criss-crossing the green expanse were brick pathways, connecting east to west, south and north and other angles in between. also pockmarked the view. Faculty, students, staff trod every which way to arrive at their next destination.
I came here to be with my aloneness. When feeling unsure, forlorn, out of place, I found solace protected by the buildings to the right and left of me, and the shrubbery. I remember standing here during a vulnerable moment senior year. A poem (which I can no longer find) came forth. Some of us, I felt, seemed caught in mud, slipping and sliding — whether on the edges like me or some other awkwardness — while others seemed to “melt into the landscape.”
My own sense of not belonging led me to volunteer off-campus, in homeless shelters and the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. Here, I could be with the things I knew: persistent struggle against over-riding oppression. Always I found the resilient core pulsing underneath, especially in the children I worked with. My favorite quote from a boy I tutored, whom I remember as being especially protective of his mother and little sister (see above) when living in a shelter, is below
Some are wise, and some are otherwise.
Full-Circle. This weekend I participated in my 35th college reunion. I felt a keen desire to go back to my off-set vantage point, but no viewing could be had. Much of the space was fenced off as part of the University’s response to protestors (both student and professional agitators). Instead, I followed whatever vibe seemed to beckon in the moment. With no judgements, no expectations, and a hint of anxiety, I went into the adventure.
This time it was easy and fun to go with the flow. Sometimes I was in conversation with the friends I went to meet. Sometimes I was solo or joined another group. Or making different plans. This time, I stayed in my heart instead of my fear, or more precisely my fear-based story. I made surprising connections all weekend long and the joy kept growing.
There was even a writer’s panel where an author spoke of “play” as a way to inform and foster our creativity. Whaaat? At my alma-mater? As I interacted with diffrent groups and communities on campus, I could see pieces of myself that were kept hidden come up to the surface. And a special reunion with a former professor.
I feel proud of myself. I did it! I went live, in person, to an event I would have avoided in the past. And had a blast! (Savor, savor, savor) I was even left wondering why I hadn’t availed myself of this richness before.
It may have taken 35 years but when I belong to myself, I can move freely on this campus. I can melt into this landscape being exactly who I am.
My vantage spot now is that I’m standing in the middle of my life. The full circle moment is that my inner maiden—-the age I was when attending college—gets to experience a new reality. Re-belonging is a function of fully releasing the emotional residue of the old story (release, release, release) and inviting in all that is available to play with the true me right NOW. Its more satisfying than hiding. Its a real example of the change that is possible through self-compassion and inner ease.
Place Matters. It is rare to share a connection to a specific Place with so many people. I felt this even more because my friend organized a tour for those who lived in our freshman dormitory. With shared giddiness and silly grins, we went about seeing the same Dining Hall, staircases, common rooms and even the small rooms that we inhabited. Whatever the complexities of my unfolding then, I still share a coming of age with all of these peers. Everywhere, I felt a layer of grounded, sweet familiarity with my classmates as we walked about, explored and danced to 80’s music. The college vibe came streaming back and filled us up.
As Spirit, I imagine us as unbounded, able to zoom here and there. When I tap into my Consciousness, I can soar up to the stillness of the Cosmos, side by side stars and planets, or join the flight path of a bird. But only in a bounded body do I walk, feel the contour and texture of the pavement, have the need to go around other physical entities like buildings or trees, and feel the light or air slant just so.
Our Physicality has a Place.
The shape of my landscape matters. How I move about it are choices I make–based on mood, weather or something else. A Place interacts with my entire BodySpirit, shaping me in turn. To this day I remember the boundary of the street I grew up on in Delhi, fringed by an open field on one end and a lantana border or the other. I can feel the temperature, the dust, the noise, just so.
My humanity is bounded by my Body. Its important to notice this about our human experience. I notice, sometimes, it can be fun to escape my humanity through feats of Higher Consciousness, readings about past lives or my future by numerologists or psychics or other energy workers. But that’s the problem—it takes us away from being Here. Coming down here takes much more courage.
My perspective about belonging has turned on its head. It is possible to turn belonging into an inside job. Its this new inside-out vantage point I truly celebrate. We avail ourselves of so many more possibilities and opportunities this way, by embodying our own presence.
So don't be surprised to see me back in that bright part of town
I'll be back in the high life again
All the doors I closed one time will open up again
I'll be back in the high life again
All the eyes that watched me once will smile and take me in.
~ Lyrics, Back in the High Life
With so much Love for you, your journey and your unfolding.
Stay #heartwoke.
Monisha
As always, uplifting. As always, a joy to read and read again. Lectio divina style. I remember my university campus, how lost I felt, my innocence, my belongingness.