Poetic Revelations: Treading Lightly
Go with the muck
“I’m running down the road trying to loosen my load, I got 7 women on my mind. Four that want to own me, two that want to stone me and one says she’s a friend of mine.”
~ Eagles, lyrics to Take it Easy
This weekly publication is for all heart-centered warriors, trying to make it through this thing we call life with an intact open heart (and voice).
SELECTED POEMS
Light, by Margaret Tait
Loosen Your Grip, Deborah Anne Quibell
Dear Embodied Hearts and Dancing Souls,
I am surprisingly glad not to have “eyes” looking at me tonight. The poems and message today are about treading lightly...especially with ourselves, and each other, and this body called a nation. Its a July 4th where the Supreme Court is not necessarily helping us become a more perfect Union.
Down in the Muck.: Last week was mucky. I didn’t feel well. Felled by a sinus issue, a throat issue and rash outbreak on my face all at the same time, I was moving like a wounded elephant. A solid increase in weight made me worry so much about becoming diabetic, I became resentful and even felt indigant my body was betraying me for a hot minute.
As much as I wanted to rest, my mind felt restless. I felt…how I always feel in between my endings and beginnings, when I don’t know my next landing place. The uncertainty brings up stuff — hisorical second guessing panic stuff.
In Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston writes about being “down in the muck” as fertile ground. By week’s end, I am in a meditation group being reminded that its ok to feel all our feelings. Even the teacher, who isn’t fazed by much anymore, had experienced overwhelm from a tech issue. By the end of the day, clarity sunk in and he understood why. The essence of his teaching that morning: we are meant to have the experiences we are having. My mind found a place to rest in this and I began breathing more fully. As I did, the awareness rose quickly, like a thought bubble: with no one left to please and nothing left to prove, what am I doing here?
It’s hilarious I find myself here after my Wise Self expounded on the pitfalls of identity last week. Pleasing and proving are identities. They underlie the subconscious and motivate my behavior. The question is, who am I without them?
Go Lightly. Two hours later, I am in a back-and-forth play of gibberish and English conversation with a playmate in someone else’s weekly playgroup. We respond in English to each other’s made-up language. At one point, she responds to my gibberish by saying: “Its OK Monisha. It was too hard. You don’t have to do that any more.” The truth in her words hit me right away. I needed to hear this and told her so. I continued feeling lighter with each round. As we finished I remembered that I began this whole sequence with a gibberish story about the pain in my jaw. Then it dawns on me that this whole thing has actually been about the pressure I place on myself (with goals) and this pressure might be related to the pain. My Physicality speaks in a gentle voice.
Two days later, as my own playgroup wrapped up, I watched my playmates move with greater ease and joy. It touched me deeply to watch them move with and in their bodies, taking up space more freely with both sound and movement. Yippee!! We celebrated each other’s unfolding and the possibilities now available for us. Each playmate had played with BIG stuff – Loss, Grief, Trauma, and Fear - and after 7 weeks, they each expressed feeling more assured.
I love that this is available to them as a physical, felt resource. This is when I realized: we don’t travel through our grief, trauma or fear….we travel With them. The key is to travel lightly. Another way to say this is: Its OK to have the experience we are having. Eventually we learn the key is our relationship to these feelings. The Assurance we discover in our physicality makes it OK to be Here and have our feelings. This by itself is a step forward for humankind.
Loosen My Load. George O’Keefe once shared a ritual she undertook the night before any major exhibit. She would lay her art on the floor and review each piece herself. This way she said, any feedback whether criticism or praise was superlative. Her simple sense of self determination stayed with me.
When I have large amounts of information to process, it helps to drive. Picture me driving down I-95 on a day trip with rock and roll on the radio. Somehow the motion allows all the pieces to swirl and stream until they find a landing place. Today the above bits and pieces found their landing point. Like Georgia O’Keefe, its my turn to look at the pieces underlying my habit of pressuring myself and conduct a review.
This time…like pieces of stained glass — whether shame, sorrow, bliss, or joy, I get to pick each up and hold it to the light. The act is to simply look at each for what it is, notice how it's served me and notice my own sense of completion with it. There is nothing for me to do but see what I see. My sense tells me that by conducting an honest review — with appreciation for what each piece is (or has been) for me, each feeling can leave of its own accord. They only stay if I need them. Cue the Eagles song.
Lighten up while you still can. Don’t even try to understand. Just find a place to make your stand and take it e-e-easy. (Eagles, Take it Easy)
Stay #heartwoke. To your exquisite unfolding.