Where the Magic Happens

When Life's a Slog

“The lemons in life mean nothing about who you are, your worthiness, or your value. They do not determine your identity.” ~ Glenda Lane, Freedom Guide

Because Human-ing is harder than Adulting. This is a weekly publication for heart-centered warriors, swimming through this thing called Life.

Selected Poems and Songs:

• Belief in Magic, Dean Young

• Joy Chose You, Donna Ashworth

• Listening To: Shotgun, George Ezra (song)

Dear Embodied Hearts and Dancing Souls,

Sometimes, it is very challenging to be OK with our reality. July felt like such a slog. The entire month of July felt stagnant  – it seemed outer flow came to a halt—writing, opportunity, income, play and joy. The heat and political agitation in my environment didn’t help.

Wanting Out. I know I am an infinite, limitless creator blah blah blah but when life became a drought, I wasn’t feeling this at all. Being Here totally sucked! When flow came to a halt, I did what I was conditioned to do: I judged and blamed myself. A part of me didn’t want to be here anymore. I wanted to find an Eject button out of my circumstances. I was questioning and even losing my will to go on. What is the point I wondered? Don’t worry. I Am OK. Read On.

When something doesn’t go the way we want it to and we don’t “succeed” the way we know we can, it can be easy to make it mean something negative about ourselves: I failed. I wasn’t good enough. There’s something wrong with me….But that isn’t the truth.

Glenda Lane, Freedom Guide

Grief. Enter Grief. I found out last week that I lost a beloved aunt. The news of this loss has hit me hard. She was not biologically related to me but welcomed me into her home, her life and heart. We truly enjoyed each other’s company and adventures together. She was determined to see me bloom. Even though the last several years the quality of our time changed due to circumstances of natural aging, I am a hot mess. My heart seems to both cherish her role in my life and mourn its loss at the same time.  Its confusing.

Greening Grief. I’m all soft in the middle, my brain like mush. On my morning walk, I turn right, over the part of the stream that forms rapids. I am drawn into the part of the park where tree limbs cover the trail like a sanctuary. I get on a swing in the playground to be with my heart.  Somewhere amidst the sorrow, I remember that my Presence works in the Here and Now. So I tune into what is happening right now. I notice the absolute Green of my environment, the sounds of the summer insects and the stream. And suddenly, I am OK. I am OK. In this here and now, I am OK. And I could feel her then…my Aunt’s lovely spirit on the edges of my heart, smiling. She’s Here too. And I am so grateful she loves me like this. The woods become a cathedral.

Grief is profound stuff. An invisible process carrying us through. 

Heart Rent Open. In this Third Act in life, the thing I am learning is how much more I can appreciate and Receive all that has flowed in during the Second Act. I’m not kidding. Due to my particular shaping, I am very good at feeling that no one else will take care of me and that I have to do life alone. I remember once in a farewell with a Maori tribe I stayed with, one of the elders, touching his head and nose to mine, said, “Monisha you do not share your feelings with anyone.” I remember being in awe for a moment wondering, How did he know? He sees me! 

At the dimmest edges of my awareness, I am beginning to sense that its Grief’s turn to have its way with me, to rent my Heart open even more. Somehow, the entire sucky overheated month of July is asking me to be willing to Let Go another layer of Limits. It dawns on me that there may be purpose in the timing of my beloved aunt’s passing.

Willing. A friend who is a kindred spirit sent me a link to Sara Landon’s book, The Wisdom of the Council, Channeled Messages. Just the woo-woo I needed. Right away I experienced one of those moments where you feel the words are speaking right to you. The passage that spoke most to me encouraged me to look Back, to receive all that has transformed in my life the last 10 years. 

The action of slowing down and accessing Love from my Higher Self helped me take in the bounty that has genuinely transpired. More relationships rooted in genuine reciprocity and admiration. More joy, less anxiety. I navigate using my instincts more, rooted in my Body Wisdom. And…I have the seeds of the creative “work” that lights me up.

I don’t have as much as I want. Yet this Sunday, I will be standing on a stage speaking into the gift of Body Wisdom to a new group of people. This is my in between, my bookends, exactly. I am taking this time to honor the frickin’ Courage, Stamina and Persistence this has taken. It shows me I at a different starting point than I was in the second act. My goals and reasons are different too.

In the middle of my “I don’t know,” this helps me wonder, What if I am exactly where I am supposed to be? 

Today, I am more willing to accept Being Here. Being Here is honestly my first job as a Human. Being Here without making up a story about my worth or enoughness is how I can truly stay connected to my powers. And guess what, when I try to leave Being Here — forgetting my reality is for me, it really diminishes my sense of personal power! That was the real sense of defeat I was actually feeling! Willing to be in the muck of this much fragility and tenderness is also Fertile Ground. Again a dim awareness rises sayings, It’s OK. This is where the Magic happens. My writing verve seems to be returning.

Briefly I take a moment to honor the life of my Aunt Jane. She loved people, was open to connection and adventure and had a strong Life-Force. I will love her forever.

Stay #heartwoke. With more grit-itude than usual,

Monisha

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