Making their own way into the sky

Summer Lovin' (Ode to Andrea Gibson)

“I’d cut my soul into a million different pieces just to form a constellation to light your way home. I’d write love poems to the parts of yourself you can’t stand. I’d stand in the shadows of your heart and tell you I’m not afraid of your dark.” Andrea Gibson

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Long Beach Island, NJ

Because Human-ing is harder than Adulting. This is a weekly publication for heart-centered warriors, swimming through this thing called Life.

Selected Readings and Sounds:

• How the Worst Day of My Life Became the Best, Andrea Gibson

• Love Letter from the Afterlife, Andrea Gibson¹

Dear Embodied Hearts and Dancing Souls,

I have never been of the spiritualism that escaped to a mountain. I have never been of the religiosity that needed to raise its voice or assault others with its purity or wisdom. I have always been of the God-ness that is heard in a child’s laughter, in the trees’ whispers, in the tending care of a cup of tea passed to me, in the light that you can see in each person’s eyes. Make room for this. Let it spill out of you, let it cover everything in your house until it flows out the windows and doorways to everyone and everything else.

Andrea Gibson. The poet and writer Andrea Gibson passed on Monday, July 14th. They lived exactly in this way. Ever since I first read their Substack publication

Things That Don't Suck

, their writing woke up a deeper layer of aliveness in me. I don’t know that there is a human out there who doesn’t walk away from one of their spoken word performances or writing without the feeling that we could each be loving larger, bigger, more. There is a fundamental layer of acceptance about our own humanity, and mortality, that — when we step into it— lets us access the promise and heartbeat of our own lives in a way we could not imagine.

Even with difficulties they endured in their last months, they said “I loved my fucking life,” on their last day. There are many pieces I can link to (here is their YouTube channel). Some are above. The piece I want to share is this video:

“To become who we are meant to become, the becoming must be ours.” Andrea Gibson

I notice their light is now exponentially spilling out since their death, opening hearts and minds all over the planet. Andrea carried and unleashed a deep fierce love. They walked, spoke, pointed to, uplifted it in a real in-a-heart-in-a-body kind of way. I am starting to see that there are pockets of intentional gatherers all over this country (and other countries) who invite others into authentic, human-centered community. Music, song, poems seem to be involved. As are LGBTQ+ couples, and many women.

And now I know. With certitude. That we are now all going to be OK. Because this deeply humane way to love one another has been unleashed. And it stands in stark contrast—as lived example—to how the current regime expands its influence, through control, fear, force, and disconnection. Here is the way we longed for.

Making Our Own Way to the Sky. This theme of allowing others their own journey is surfacing—both in my life, my clients’ and others. In counseling with my husband, I got called out for being reassuring! Apparently, it’s not always welcome. It doesn’t allow my husband to have the experience he is having. Sometimes I reassure him out of fear that something’s not fundamentally OK. Like this, I learn there is a line in all our relationships, as partners, as mothers—between the journey our loved one needs to have and our own.

This is showing up right now because my husband is sick. Like, lost nearly 30 pounds type of sick. In a blink, I realize there is a risk of my turning his health into a project—something he fears. When we protect or intervene from a well-meaning place, it creates a power imbalance. Too much of ours goes out, and not enough of theirs comes in. In over caring, the protected one cannot step into a vital aspect of their agency: learning their personal tradeoffs and making choices only they can make.

Pure listening is a letting go of control. It’s not easy and takes training. And yet it’s only when we can let go of that controlling that we open up to the real purity of loving. ~ Tara Brach

I am beginning to wonder if there are only two states of being: controlling outer circumstances or loving them exactly as they are. Be sure to view this other video by Andrea Gibson where they speak about accepting their cancer.

Midlife Magic. Ever since returning from meeting my first formative love, I find pieces of personal power slithering back to me like small snakes. Essential bits and pieces that were entwined far too long in this epic story of woe are now returning, home. In a session, a client’s body reveals her pathway to power, light and strong. That night I dream of waking up outside on a mattress, feeling safe yet surprised. When I meet the gaze of a surprised man, I begin to sense my femininity. Suddenly, inside a home buzzing with activity, I am gifted clothes that accentuate my figure. Excited, I try them on and embrace my curves without concern for how society might see me—literally awakening to my feminine power.

With healthier boundaries in my own marriage, my soul nudges me to the ocean, as it periodically does. I go solo to New Jersey to hold my new grandniece and drive into the horizon of the Jersey Shore. Carrying all I need in one tote bag, I surrender to the day. It unfolds in sheer perfection. I love the push of each wave against my body, sky gazing, the squeal of children, the feel of bare feet on sand, and the joy of a classic summer ice cream cone.

A day at the shore

Whereas my story of woe told me I was powerless, answering the call to come here feels utterly freeing and right. It feels like a full on YES to everything I’ve undertaken since September. Even though nothing turned out as I imagined, instinctively this feels like a culmination trip where I get to savor it all.

Under the outer effort, I find there is a way under the way. Gently, firmly, it guided me to unlearn behaviors that blocked abundance or had me cling to fear and control. I am finding it easier to be myself with others, and in groups. This frees my heart to move in and with the world rather than effect my place in it. I sense opportunity here.

No matter your steps, make them yours. Make your own way to the sky. And if you can, crack your heart even more open. One degree turns are OK, as Martha Beck encourages. Do it by listening to Andrea, be nourished by their fierce love stance.

To your exquisite unfolding. Stay #heartwoke!

Monisha

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When we belong to ourselves, we move freely. ~ Monisha Mittal

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1. My favorite part of this video is the very end where Andrea’s partner goes, Jesus Christ. So human!