Poetic Revelations: The storm's edge
Clean Slates and Going Direct
Just give me one thing
That I can hold on to
To believe in this livin'
Is just a hard way to go.
Lyrics, Angels in Montgomery, Bonnie Raitt
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Because Human-ing is harder than Adulting. This is a weekly publication for heart-centered warriors, swimming through this thing called Life.
Selected Readings and Sounds:
The Hurricane, Mary Oliver
Instructions for Not Giving Up, Ada Limon
Beginners, Denise Levertov
The Bloom of your Perfection, Monisha Mittal (guided meditation)
Angels from Montgomery, Bonnie Raitt
Dear Embodied Hearts and Dancing Souls,
Driving up 95N, the leaves are much darker green that they were from spring freshness just three weeks ago. Some quick updates:
For those new here, please check the footnote to learn a little about me.1
I am not posting as regularly as usual. Revelations are taking their time. Deeper transformations at work. I am grateful for sticking with the writing in this one.
On May 2-4 weekend, I co-led 42 participants at an InterPlay retreat called The Beauty of Being Human. Expansive and precious, we experienced spacious intimacy.
Healing. Oh it’s been a time. Have you ever felt how hard it is on our hearts to have this human experience? Sometimes it just feels so f-ed, the hardest thing ever! Yes, the storms raging in our macro-climate have impacted us at home. My own soul has never felt so silent nor still. I am used to its gentle voice but now, nada. Storms behave badly, as Mary Oliver reminds in The Hurricane:
It didn't behave
like anything you had
ever imagined. The wind
tore at the trees, the rain
fell for days slant and hard.
The back of the hand
to everything.
With little movement in my outer world, I felt stuck; the fear piled on until the playback reel of my life only ran the tragic version of the script. I know better—that victimization feeling is the tell—but I couldn’t shake it. I experienced solid uplift through InterPlay but my lows kept getting lower. I could hear the refrain from Angel from Montgomery by Bonnie Raitt in my head: Just give me one thing, that I can hold onto. To believe in this living is a hard way to go. When the inspiration came through for this inner child meditation, I recorded it right away because of what I was going through.
5-D Support. Finally, it dawned on me that my stuckedness was a form of resistance. That’s when I got resourceful and began moving energy. I was fortunate enough to attend the Women Living in Love Summit organized by Kathryn Yarborough whose moving meditations were among my first body awakening experiences. The caliber of the speakers was phenomenal and you get free gifts. And then, for a small fee to be a VIP participant, I received more gifts. My energetic healing and readings were off the charts and essential to the healing and centering I needed. I honestly can’t believe how much transformation I experienced so sharing info below.
Register for 2 remaining summits as a VIP this weekend for truly next level gifts.
Jackki Goia’s multi-talented approach embraced my inner child perfectly.
Kay Miller’s Akashic Record readings shed light on this standstill from a soul perspective and the choices I can make to move forward
Basia Ruta provided a sacred geometry energy healing which brought my little one unprecedented peace. My body felt cleared! Giraffe rose as a spirit messenger.
As a result, in one week, I stepped out of fear, expanded my heart and gained energies that were otherwise pre-occupied with fear and pain. I had never felt my inner child this content! I marveled at this fuller adult version of myself, whole-hearted and strong. This gave me a felt sense of how my adult self could feel, unburdened by the tugs of the child. This is the first invitation. I love how Ada Limon celebrates this perpetual proclivity of nature towards aliveness in Instructions on Not Giving Up.
Patient, plodding, a green skin
growing over whatever winter did to us, a return
to the strange idea of continuous living despite
the mess of us, the hurt, the empty.
I felt energized and motivated, reconnected to the source of my “continuous living." I was excited to print the first half of my book, just to feel the manuscript in my hands.
My growth edge. This storm brings me to my edge —dissolving old child-based motivations so realer ones can drive the bus. In qi-gong, I had a moment drawing up energy from the earth and circulating it in figure eights. I felt the energy arrive into the center of my being and as it did, I relaxed into another layer of my body. In this moment, I also felt my stubborn little one relax. Here she was willing to let larger forces lead the show. (I’m learning: the more OK I am, the more OK she feels to be herself.) Simon Ortiz shows me what this is in his poem: storm as precipice.2
Yes this is about learning to lead my show. In this qi-gong moment, I gain a glimpse.
It feels like there are two pairs of horses and riders that need to come into balance. One horse is named Surrender with a rider named Control and the other horse is named Being with a rider named human. In the moment, it feels like all four have to be in balance at the same time to find my joy-ride. And we all deserve to find our joy ride.
Go Direct. Ultimately…this low point was “OK” in that it got me moving in the direction of my authentic expression. I have to say: I don’t think we can't navigate this time in history with old 3-dimensional tools anymore. Systems are destabilizing and it’s bat-shit crazy out there. Not just jobs but entire career paths are disappearing, fast. It seems impossible to see the bigger picture or know what to count on. Trying to navigate using “normal’ rationality is not going to cut it if we want to stay in our skins without fear or heavy discouragement running down our veins. Remembering and exercising our true 5-D nature is necessary because our 3-D self can’t do this alone.
As the rational logic underlying our systems disintegrates, we must all begin seeing with illuminated minds and eyes. For me, this is a practical exercise. I don’t want to be defined by the limits I was taught to believe, particularly this line between a heart-centered life and money. Of course I want turn to the part of me that is “wide and timeless” (Rilke, The Book of Hours) to get a clearer perspective. This is where the giraffe comes in: seeing an elevated vista of choices available, beyond my perceived limitations.
I truly feel it is becoming necessary to work with all of our faculties to navigate these times. It’s not just that you are on a soul journey, it’s that you are always connected to an infinite self and to higher dimensional realities working on your behalf. This is why I connect with your Higher Self when you step into my somatic one-on-one sessions, to support your highest unfolding. Right now, I can get my life back in flow by asking for real assistance in befriending my resistance, letting my truer-self drive the bus instead of my ego-fear controlling the steering wheel.
Clean Slate. Here is the thing with storms: they clear everything out. You start with a clean slate.
I had to let this writing breathe a bit to find its ending. Where is this headed? There are two images I want to leave you with, both from Denise Levertov’s Beginners. The first is the epitaph, a sense of winding towards a wider sea:
“From too much love of living,
Hope and desire set free,
Even the weariest river
Winds somewhere to the sea--“ (Denise Levertov, Beginners)
That’s who we all are. Weary yet winding our way to something greater. Intertwined are the next few lines.
How could we tire of hope?
-- so much is in bud.
How can desire fail?
-- we have only begun
Yes this environment is hard. The storm clears the landscape so we can see things as they are. Or (per a conversation I had with an InterPlay leader), it’s like taking furniture out of a room so you can see the space clearly. As I continue to remind, there is a deep promise in each of you. So much is in bud! Feel your feelings but don’t be swayed by this storm’s destruction. Your choices will be clearer after the storm.
To your exquisite unfolding. Stay #heartwoke!
Monisha
When we belong to ourselves, we move freely. ~ Monisha Mittal
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Between the ages of 4-6, I was separated twice from the family unit I called home eventually returned to my family of origin. Over the past five years, I’ve been climbing into my body and heart through an embodied play practice called InterPlay. Here I found a deep assurance that calmed the anxiety and depression that plagued me most of my life. This wasn’t mental but felt and sensed. More than this, it brought me embodied presence and unexpected joy. I’ve learned I have a sensitive-body, how anxiety was a valid response to the life choices I faced. I am in awe of how my body keeps nudging me to my truth.
Storming Through Precipice, Simon J. Ortiz